livin in a stupid, get me out of here, apartment. but im not a pushover.

“Please practice your guitar before 10 pm.  Trying to sleep ”     10:31

“Understand but 11pm is the cutoff as outlined in the updated form our landlord we have received.  No offense but I have my life to live too.  I have tried but I work and volunteer at different hours.  Scattershot.  Also, the fact that you came up to my apartment and tried to open the door and then said you’d call the police on me for marijuana possession didn’t make you number one in my book.  That was outrageously disrespectful .  Please inform police of my rather soft guitar playing and coffee.  They will laugh, as will our nice caretaker.  They can come and find all my ‘illegal’ things.  Like Dunn Bros. ground coffee.  I’m going to play music and practice until 11pm.  Sorry.”        10:40

For the record, I have nothing illegal in my apartment.  Unless two cats are illegal.  Or like, a couple beers and a slice of pizza.  F. Off.

[For the record, I started playing Shellac’s “Terraform” extremely loud since the first message (with that beautiful bass).  As a challenge.]

Crazy lady:  “Then stop in 14 minutes.”

Me: “You got it!”

Crazy lady: “You are awesome”

Crazy lady:  10:55 “So I assume—–our landlord—– agrees that i should be laughed at.  VERY INTERESTING.  PLAY PARTY..GUESS I MUST BE A JOKE.  Hope you enjoy laughing at me.”

Me: “Don’t know what you mean.  I’m not laughing at you,—–our landlord—-is very reasonable.  Talked with them when I was sick a bit ago.  I like that about them.  I don’t get “Play Party” –maybe you could explain that?”

Voicemail at 11:03 (I had turned down music, very quiet):  “I am respectfully blah blah, until 11.  I go to work early.  blah blah. ….so this …I have a choice, respect my request and be quiet.  Or not and there is nothing I can do….Also please talk to me about —our caretaker—laughing about me.  Please answer your phone [my phone blocks her].’  Blah blah blah blah.”

To be fair my message did say our caretaker would laugh at her; I was more interested in the police, so I messed that up.  However, I have talked to our caretaker and she agreed my neighbor was excessive–basically crazy, which she is.  Thanks to my mighty smartphone I have a decibel meter on it, and I have never gone over what would be illegal.  And I don’t do drugs or anything otherwise illegal.  Is reading Heidegger illegal?  Or having that shoebox out there for cats to sit in?  I guess walking around until 11pm is against the rules.

I’m a loner, Dottie, a rebel.  I stay up past 11.

Ha  I love this shit.

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